| "Alas, Lord God! Behold, I do not know how to speak..." | | | | just one cymbal crash that was never noticed. The |
| -Jeremiah 1:6All during high school, I wanted to fit in, but | | | | guys played well too, and we drew people back into |
| never did, for various reasons. I wanted to do | | | | the small group of those employees daring enough to |
| everything, yet did very little due to lack of confidence. I | | | | stay in the first place. Throngs of people came back |
| was musically inclined, playing various instruments, but | | | | to see what was going on, and who was that on the |
| mainly stuck to the baritone saxophone because my | | | | drums?"It was ME! I felt great! When the song ended, I |
| jazz band teacher, Bert Hughes, loved the fact that I | | | | put my sticks in my back pocket and started to get |
| was the only female to play so well in one of his | | | | up."Oh, no!" I was told. Our manager came up and told |
| bands. My passion, though, was drumming. He and I | | | | me to sit back down and play! Well, who was I to |
| went round and round; him telling me I was more | | | | disobey a direct order? I dutifully sat back down and |
| talented with the sax, and me pleading for chances to | | | | we just jammed for 30 or so minutes.When it was all |
| be a more active drummer. I'd sneak in at football | | | | over, droves of people came to me wanting to know |
| games to the drummer's line, produce my own sticks | | | | "Where did you learn to play like that?" and "Why did I |
| and convince one of the snare drummers to let me | | | | hide such talent?"Rex approached me the next week |
| play a song. I got noticed; one of my yearbooks | | | | asking if I'd be interested in playing with his group at his |
| shows me in my marching band uniform, holding a pair | | | | Church. Now, I'm not a Church goer. I have faith, I have |
| of sticks in my hand asking "What song are we | | | | beliefs, and I'm a very spiritual person, but as a child |
| playing?"After high school, I dabbled with drumming. I've | | | | and teen, I was forced into Church, and the woman |
| had several sets over the years, and actually played | | | | who adopted me was very cruel to me whenever we |
| with a heavy metal group right after high school, but | | | | went to Church, to the point of reducing me to tears |
| left when I found out they were a less than desirable | | | | every Sunday. I still am uncomfortable in any Church, |
| group of men. They were actually working towards a | | | | so I celebrate my life and my faith privately, but |
| record then.I played with people I met in the Army; just | | | | faithfully.Rex was insistent; they needed me. I finally |
| jamming, and having a good time. I had decided right | | | | agreed, but didn't feel good about it. Playing with |
| after high school that I'd never be the famous | | | | brushes in a quiet church just wasn't my thing. Get me |
| drummer I'd so dreamed of, but that was fine- I just | | | | in a wide open space with electric guitars and loud |
| loved to play.After I got out of the Army, I went about | | | | music, and let me feel free to really play, now that's |
| 6 years without so much as holding a drum stick. That | | | | my thing!I prayed about it, and slowly felt better about |
| changed when I came to work for the company I'm | | | | the whole thing. I even brought my kids to rehearsals |
| with now.A man there, Rex, and his wife belonged to a | | | | and Church on Sundays. We did this for a few |
| Church where they played for the Lord every Sunday. | | | | months, and it came time for the Christmas show, |
| They had a drummer, guitarists, a clarinetist, a pianist, | | | | which I was looking forward to.The day came, and I |
| and Rex played trumpet. They played 'Church music', | | | | was nervous. We had picked several songs, most of |
| something I'd never tried because I have a very heavy | | | | which I was to play quietly and in the background. I just |
| hand and foot when it comes to drumming. I did play | | | | really didn't want to mess things up! There were many |
| heavy metal, after all! A few years ago, their drummer | | | | elderly folks in the congregation, and they were used |
| came on levy for Korea. Around the same time, our | | | | to certain things. The last song worried me because it |
| company had a picnic where employees would get | | | | was 'Rock around the Christmas Tree' and it would be |
| together and play, if they wanted. Someone heard I | | | | considerably louder than they were used to. I had |
| was a drummer and wanted me to play."No way!" I | | | | someone apologize in advance for me because I |
| said. "I haven't played in years, and I really just messed | | | | knew I would be loud. Right before my cue, I sent a |
| around with drumming".They persuaded me, and a | | | | fervent prayer up:"Lord, please, I'm here to play for |
| couple of them came over one night to rehearse. | | | | You! Please lend me your hands so I might do |
| What I ended up doing was sitting there for 2 hours | | | | that."We got going, and immediately I found myself |
| while they tuned up and argued back and forth what | | | | playing quite loud. I kept looking over to the other |
| they were going to play. When they finally left, I had | | | | members of the group, watching for the all too familiar |
| played all of 5 minutes, and had not made it through a | | | | signs that I was too loud. There were none. |
| single song. The picnic was the next day, and I was to | | | | I kept watching the congregation for signs I was too |
| play 'Sweet Home Alabama' by Lynyrd Skynyrd.Talk | | | | loud. There were none.Then something amazing |
| about nerves being shot! That next day, I chickened | | | | happened; so amazing that I almost dropped my sticks |
| out, and let some management member play all the | | | | in the middle of it all.Some of the congregation, I mean |
| bubble gum songs. I said I'd play 'Sweet Home | | | | folks older than 60, were getting up to dance! Right |
| Alabama' and that was it.Well, they were awful. Not | | | | there, in a Methodist Church, these normally proper and |
| having rehearsed together, everything was way off. | | | | reserved folks were dancing! I looked over at Rex in |
| People left in groups after just a few minutes. Our | | | | amazement; he winked back and we played on.The |
| manager was thoroughly embarrassed, but he had to | | | | louder we got; the more into the song we got, the |
| stay. Finally, they called me up there. I shook my head | | | | more they danced. We played; they danced.I played |
| no. They called me again, so I walked up to the drums | | | | for the Lord that day. My voice came through my |
| on rubber legs, and said a quick prayer for the Lord to | | | | drums. Everyone there heard my voice. It was loud, |
| give me the strength to get through this, and to please | | | | clear, and flawless. And it was all for my Lord.Lord, |
| make it fast! They had already started to play, so as | | | | lend me your voice so that I may share my joy- and |
| soon as I sat down, I just came in on the next beat.I'd | | | | voice- with others.LifeWriter is an author on |
| never played in front of a group of people as diverse | | | | which is a site for Creative Writers.She writes |
| as this, but thankfully, my shaking was invisible as I | | | | frequently on issues of child abuse, mental health and |
| played. After a minute, my shaking stopped and my | | | | animal issues. |
| talent shone through. I played almost flawlessly, missing | | | | |