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"How To" Tips For Discussing Child Abduction and Molestation with Your Kids

Not an easy subject right? Before we begin,talk to you - you need to go and ask an
the important thing to remember is that youadult'. Make sure they know never to approach
don't want to terrify your kids about thethe car to engage in conversation.Equally
world we live in, or make them feel nervousthis age group may feel obliged if someone
on a daily basis. In particular with youngerstruggling with their shopping bags or having
ones, we all know children are prone totrouble lifting something into a car asks
nightmares when their imaginations are activethem for help. Adults should ask other adults
about any kind of predator.This is importantfor help - not children! Advise your child
for you as a parent also. We ARE verythat if this ever happens to them, not to go
fortunate in Australia that the rate ofover and help the person, but to say "I'll
non-parental child abductions is low injust go and find an adult to help you". If
comparison to other countries. In our eyesapplicable your child should then go into a
though a 'low' rate is still too many, andshop and speak to the shopkeeper only (again,
our aim is that NO children or their familiesnot just a shopper), to advise them someone
will ever have to go through the unthinkable.is wanting help outside.Common Tactics of
Other well reported statistics on the ratesAbductors
of child sexual abuse are far too high
though, so some of the tips we'll cover hereWe've already mentioned what your child
are pertinent to helping your childrenshould do if an adult approaches them for
protect themselves in these situations ashelp, but there are many other well known
well.Let's  start  with  what  NOT  to  say.'tricks' used to lure children away from
safety. The obvious one is an adult offering
Most of us have been brought up with thegifts or lollies, or suggesting the child
traditional 'stranger danger' message. "Don'tcome and look at some cute little kittens or
go with a stranger" has been proven to bepuppies. Teach your kids (all ages) that
horribly ineffective in keeping kids safe. Sothese are common tricks, and if anyone ever
first rule of thumb is leave the wordtells them they have something great to show
'stranger' out of your vocabulary whenthem, they should ignore the offer and go
discussing safety with your kids. Why'simmediately to a trusted adult or to a group
this?Research has shown that most childrenof other kids to tell them.Another example is
when asked who a stranger is, will saywhere an adult may say to a child "quickly,
'someone mean or ugly looking'. They simplycome with me, your mummy/daddy has been hurt
won't view a nice looking lady or a kindand they want me to take you to them." Let
looking man as someone they should steeryour kids know that if something has ever
clear of. When you think about it, we toohappened to you for real, you would only send
probably only avoid a 'strange' lookinga family member/teacher etc. to get them.
character who tries to talk to us in theStress that, even though it might sound very
street. In terms of child sexual abuse, theplausible because the person seems to know
majority of children are molested by someonefamily names, they should go and find a
the family knows, sometimes by an actualtrusted adult who can check it out. Go over
family member. So advising children that onlyagain with your kids that, although they may
strangers are capable of harming them willslightly know the person who is telling them
place your children off guard.For olderto come with them, they shouldn't feel bad
children (around ten yrs plus) it should beabout saying no, and getting assistance from
ok to give the real reasons as to why you aresomeone they know well.More Hypothetical
concerned about child abductions and theScenarios
tragic outcomes of some of these. For younger
children though, we see absolutely no needGod forbid your child has found themselves
for them to understand that there are peoplevulnerable in a dangerous situation, but
in the world who take children to sexuallyshould someone have managed to take your
abuse and sometimes murder them. It is farchild, role play what the person may say to
better, and more advisable to 'stretch thethem to get them to 'shut up'. Obviously an
truth' a little and tell them something likeabductor/molester will want to hush a
"there are people out there who don't havescreaming child and may say things like "stop
children of their own, so they try and stealscreaming or I'll hurt your mother/father
someone else's child". This, in our opinion,etc". Let your kids know that this will not
is far easier for a little child tohappen! and they are to scream, kick, scratch
comprehend, and while scary enough in thoughtand punch for all their might. Yelling out
for them to take heed of what you say, won't"He/She's not my mum/dad!" or "I don't know
create unnecessary terror in their littlethis person!" is also advised. If your child
heads.Some 65% of non-parental childhas on his/her AmberWatch, then the alarm
abductions are committed by someone the childalert will really help draw attention from
or the childs' parents have actually metpasser's by to the situation.Even with sexual
before, no matter how briefly. (We saymolestation cases, children are often told by
non-parental because the rate of disgruntledthe perpetrator to keep quiet about what has
non-custodial parents who kidnap theirhappened, or he will 'hurt' someone else in
children are much higher than abductions fromthe family, or something equally as terrible.
other people.) Think of some scenarios whereIf your child knows in advance that this is
you have had a friendly, albeit brief banteryet another well known 'trick' to keep them
going with someone you don't know. Aquiet, they can focus on protecting
tradesperson that has come to your home;themselves, without the added fear and guilt
someone you chatted with in line at the postthat they may be causing more harm to
office or in the general neighbourhood; aothers.Be Specific about 'No Go' areas of the
salesperson coming to your door. All yourBody.
child needs is to witness is you having a
chat or a laugh with someone seeminglyFor the average parent, statistics that 1 in
'nice', and the child no longer views them as4 girls and 1 in 7 boys will experience some
a stranger if they happen to come across themkind of sexual molestation in their
again. If mum is out the front gardening andchildhood, is heartbreaking. Make sure your
little Sally sees her chatting to someonechildren know that any part of their body
walking past with their cute dog, Sally isthat a swimming costume covers is a 'No Go'
far more likely to let this person chat toarea for anybody other than a trusted family
her if she is out in the front garden withoutmember. This also includes touching parts of
mum a few days later - especially if theyan adults body. Make sure your child knows
have that cute little dog with them!that any sexual advance towards them is
Remember, most paedophiles are incrediblyagainst the law. This will give them the
child savvy and personable with children.Soconfidence to assert themselves if they know
What  Do  You  Say?it's a legal crime, rather than just
something mum or dad don't want.Keep open
The best approach is to teach young childrencommunication with your children and
not to talk to ANYONE if you, a teacher,encourage them to talk to you about anything
carer or other parent is not by their side.without guilt. Remember, paedophiles often
This may not sit well with parent's hoping touse the "our little secret" ruse.On a final
instill politeness into their kids, but it'snote, molesters are very good at detecting
by far the safest move. If an adult orattention/affection starved kids. Address any
responsible carer is not by their side, therework/home life balances before it's too late,
is no need for cordiality, and most adultsknowing the effort you put into your children
today will understand that.If your child istoday will sow the seeds for the next
old enough to walk to and from school ongeneration of emotionally healthy
their own, or travel down to the shopsadults.Jo-Anne Rowland is the director of
without you, they need to understand how toAmberWatch Australia, the Australian
react in certain circumstances. Fordistributor of the AmberWatch. Recently
example:No adult should ask a child for helpfeatured on CNN's Youth Trend Report and
or directions. Kids can be caught off guardcurrently taking the child protection world
if someone pulls over in a car while they'reby storm, the AmberWatch is being heralded as
walking along or riding their bike. If thea 'first of it's kind' child prevention
person yells out for directions, let yourprotection product. The beautiful Teri
child know it's ok for them to not respond,Hatcher has just been announced as the
or they can simply say 'I'm sorry, I can'tinternational spokesperson.



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